So THIS post is meant to produce some sort of pithy soundbite for a potential poster that may be stuck on one of the pillars outside the front office (an area which, apparently has no name, which is quite sad; I thought "concourse" for MGS' front entrance was pretty epic). If I get this right and if they consider me pretty enough [PFFT] I really might end up being an ACS (Independent) poster girl.

(Why me, I wonder. I guess it's because I'm an MOE humanities scholar and I came in through JAE so it won't be like they're boasting about stealing people from the IP schools or whatever. And possibly because I got straight As for Os but honestly who cares about Os now I never thought I'd say that but it's true. AND BECAUSE I'M A GIRL.)

And do I mind? I honestly don't know. Mostly I'm vain and keep thinking of all the unsavoury things that are bound to show up on like 30000x10000 pixels (I don't know how big the thing is gonna be okay D:); I've never considered myself to be particularly photogenic. But if I step away from all the omg-I'm-on-a-poster-I'm-awesome thoughts and the possible self-affirmation that might come from it if the shoot doesn't screw up majorly like I think it might, I find myself left with one more question. After more than a year here, after a year of meeting people and taking classes and making and taking and breaking, am I willing to let Anglo-Chinese School (Independent) use my face?

Surprisingly, yes.

I'd understand if you weren't expecting it. I know I've done my fair share of complaining about and railing on the school. I've talked about IB and how hard it is. I've talked about how IB's done at this school and sometimes how it's not done. I've talked about rules and teachers and lessons and the timetable. I've talked about CCAs and budgets and communication breakdowns and how things Just Aren't Fair. How things Just Aren't Right. How things Could Be Better. I mean, whatever, right? Every place has its problems, this no exception.

But I still don't hate ACS (Independent). Not in the slightest. And that has to mean something.

I'm happy here, for some reason. I put on my uniform in the morning and climb up the dizzying flights of stairs and I breathe in the 6:30AM air (if my nose isn't running like a tap) and for some reason something is so beautiful about everything (the campus, that's what. The campus is SO FRICKING PRETTY but whatever, I'm getting all sappy and overdramatic right now I might as well not ruin it). I enter the classroom and it's always too hot so I push the windows open and fall asleep on my ACSIS hoodie which is the most comfortable thing in the world, I swear. I walk down the hallways and I feel like I'm actually walking with some sort of special composure even though I'm just walking to class or CCA (or maybe that is the reason?). I actually talk to people, and trust me, for someone like me, that's a bona fide miracle.

I feel like I've found myself in this school. Actually that's the one sentence I wrote this whole post for. I just wanted to write that sentence because for some reason, no matter how inaccurate it is, it's kinda true. Even though at the same time I'm more uncertain about my future and my goals and in some ways my personality than before. I feel like I've been shaken loose like a pebble lodged in a sand cliff, yet with an assurance that everything is going to eventually settle back into place and it's going to be clear and beautiful.

More than anything, being in ACS (Independent) has taught me to believe, and taught me to have passion. It has taught me to be someone other than myself, and in that, become even more myself. Like how I've become an exco member in both my CCAs and hence I become part of a whole of that CCA, but at the same time that whole of a CCA becomes part of me. I guess I've started to find myself, becoming something in a whole load of different areas and seeing what sticks, building myself up like a jigsaw puzzle. And just starting that process makes me feel all the less temporary.

It's the friends I've made, I'm sure it is. I've made such wonderful friends here, friends of a genuineness and a sincerity that I would never, ever have imagined. Ever since my secondary school days I've refused to call anyone a best friend, citing fairness and all that, but I think it's actually because I was scared. That I'd think someone was a friend who didn't think the same way. But now I think I can - it's not that I've made better friends in ACS (Independent) or anything but I'm finally acknowledging my best friends as what they are, best friends. Obviously I've made some very, very good friends (verging on best? Let's see in a couple of years >D) here as well.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that here, I've managed to define myself as so much more than just a girl who happens to do well in exams and interviews. So much more than a drama girl. An emo. A loner. A crybaby (yes, even that). It isn't as much about the academics here. It's about the friends you make and the things you choose to do yourself. And eventually all that will tell you who you are.

Oh god what on EARTH did I just write.

Ah well.

At the end of the day, if I really do end up on one of them posters, I'll be able to say with absolute certainty that whatever they type there that they cite me for is the complete and utter truth.