Ideal -
English A1 HL: 7
History/Econs HL: 6/7 (I just hope I get a 7 for at least one of these. I'd be fine with a six for both; I know these subjects are kind of a crapshoot. I know English is a crapshoot too, but if I don't get a 7 for that I'll cry anyway.)
Biology SL: 7
French ab initio: 7
Maths SL: 7
Bonus points: 3 (EE: A/B, TOK: A/B)
Total: 44/45

Marks I wouldn't roll into a corner crying about:
English A1 HL: 7
History/Econs HL: 5/6
Biology SL: 7
French ab initio: 7
Maths SL: 7
Bonus points: 2 (EE: A/B, TOK: B/C) (I actually think I might get a surprise C for my EE; wouldn't be that surprised to be honest)
Total: 41/45

Stuff to remind myself about, and to remind myself that a 41 in my current state is actually quite possible! And that due to the nature of those subjects, the mark doesn't necessarily reflect skill.

"Doing your best means doing your best with what you have right now, despite what happened in the past." I don't know if that makes sense, but I'd like to believe it.

ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.

ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.

[...]

ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.

I think I've been lying to myself when I take these tests xP I usually go with INFP/INFJ. I think when I was younger I decided being an arts person = being abstract. Now I've stopped thinking that.

Watched Waiting for Godot today by ABA Productions. This post would be longer, but I don't have the stamina right now.

It was fantastic. Most of my time was spent with my hand to my mouth or both hands twisted somewhere around my chest, thinking oh my gosh, this is amazing. The actors and the acting were absolutely wonderful and I didn't feel bored for a second. I expected to be more traumatised, but this is mostly because I've read the play before, not to the point of overfamiliarity, but enough to know what to expect and what comes next. There were things I noticed anew and others I noticed for the first time, like how things linked and related and manifested on stage next to each other, but other than that, much of it was much how I imagined it. My friends say that it was too comedy than tragedy. I too think they were being kind in that way, but I know we only think that way because we've all read it before.

I feel like some of the magic has been lost on me already, having read the play. Like reading a Wikipedia article before going to watch the movie. We know all the crosstalk, we know all the funny lines. We know far too much of all the stupid banter and meaningless dialogue that we are supposed to get lost in, we go in with preconceived ideas and impressions. Directors' choices do not come upon us and surprise us, it comes and feels wrong instead. There was someone who came up to me after the performance who said "do you remember that part? that part in the middle? that wasn't in the script, was it"? I'm getting quite sad and unsatisfied with studying plays for literature now. We should be watching these plays, not just reading them. Just reading them does not provide the same fruit for the untrained, inexperienced, unimaginative eye that seeing actually does. Unlike novels and unlike most of the poetry we do, we are studying these plays out of their natural habitat. I feel robbed, somehow.